Monthly Archives: April 2006

!– @page { size: 8.5in 11in; margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } –>I started this academic year with an amazing, although small, group of friends who also returned to UT for another year; close friends who I wouldn’t trade for the world. At first though, it seemed as if our different worlds were drifting in opposite directions. But still, there were a handful of tremendous friendships which endured.

And then, things took a different turn… One enduring relationship led to an evolution of feelings, which inevitably led to some rather drastic changes in my life. That four letter word, that feeling was, looking back, something I wasn’t quite expecting – or even ready for in some respects. Things didn’t work out, one enduring relationship fell apart, and a handful of others began to drift away even faster as a result.

I started this year with a dream, a dream of returning to cycling – which I pursued with a lot of dedication, especially after the previously mentioned event. What started as a way of moving on quickly turned into another love affair, introducing me to a number of amazing people along the way. I was meeting so many more people, awesome people, and yet again old friendships continued to become more and more distant. In some respects, I was rebuilding my life.

I left UT and crossed the Atlantic for the Christmas break with another person on my mind. Old feelings were gone and I was as happy as ever, and anxious to get back to Austin too.

From there on, things continued to get better and better. I was meeting more and more unbelievable people through the cycling club and related activities. I was introduced, by chance, to some amazing women at Metro; of whom today I’m delighted to call my friends. Relationships were perfect.

But still, there was a void in the back of my mind that needed to be filled; just without any suitable means of doing so, from my perspective. I wanted to rebuild what was broken, but didn’t have the strength to pick up the phone – despite advice from old friends and my own feelings.

And then, on Saturday – this weekend no less, it all fell back into place. Six months of silence and avoidance were broken; it wasn’t awkward, strange, or confrontational…it was just…normal, and it felt so right. She seemed so happy, and I think we were both happy to see each other happy after being apart for so long. I know our relationship will never be the same, but at least it’s no longer on tattered terms; it’s such a weight lifted off of my heart.

It’s amazing how some situations work themselves out; at one time something can fall so far that you cast it away in belief it will never come back again, and then it does – altered by the journey it’s been on along the way, but not transformed. I’ve changed, I’m sure; but wouldn’t trade anything – the ups, the downs, and everything that’s been associated with them in between – that’s me, it’s a part of who I am, and, as crazy as it may sound, I’m grateful for every bit of it.

I love all of you; thank-you for making this such a colorful and joyous year!

As this academic school year speeds through it’s final weeks, I feel compelled to write an overarching summary – where I started, where I’ve been along the way, and ultimately where I am at the present. It’s hard to believe that almost a year ago, I first began this blog – aptly titled “A New Output” – I was seeking to pour out my life to the world in the best way I knew how; with my keyboard. A year later, reading through my archives, I have come to conclude that it was one of my best decisions yet.

My everyday memory exists through snapshots – specific memorable events, which often don’t include detailed captions. This blog has served as the caption for my life in this past year; without them it’d be difficult to decipher the story through pictures alone.

And, what an amazing story it’s been – twists and turns; low points and high points; uunbelievable characters; vivid imagery; and, as you will come to see, ultimately a happy ending.

This is only the introduction…stay tuned…

I’m sick. Being sick is one thing I can’t stand. It’s not exactly the best timing for me to be getting sick either; because sickness will undoubtedly impair by fitness buildup and ability to peak physically for the SCCC (Southern Collegiate Cycling Conference) Championships coming up at the end of April. I guess there’s not a whole lot I can do, besides loading up on the vitamin C and liquids… I hate being sick…

On a lighter note, the application for my (our) new apartment next year has been approved! I’m so excited. Yesterday, during my pathetic sickly existence (the part that didn’t involve the lake), I must have watched five hours of Food Network. As odd as it may seem, I really can’t wait to prepare my own food – for me and my friends, if necessary. The thought of eating real food again makes my mouth water.

My fourth semester at University is coming to an end, quickly. Less than a month! It’s so exciting/scary/harshly awakening. Close friends of mine will be graduating in May; I’ve always made comments to others concerning my young age, but I’ll be twenty in three weeks and will have a bachelor’s degree in 2-3 more birthdays. “Time flies when you’re having fun.” Isn’t that the truth…

And what fun I’m having… Life is beautiful at the moment. Last Saturday, before the sickness caught up to me, I had an awesome 60-70 mile bike ride with the cycling team – my definition of a perfect Saturday. I spend half of Sunday lying around in the sunshine at the lake with my music and anthropology book. Everywhere I go, I can’t help but run into at least one of my friends; and, if necessary, I know at any given moment they’re there if I may need them. To have those kinds of relationships is priceless.

And then, the harsh reality of life reminds me that at any moment, it can all be taken away. Today, an Austin cyclist, a woman in her mid-30s, was killed on Loop 360 – near the Bee Caves exit, the exact location I’ve rode by on countless occasions. She was hit by a car, and in a split second her life was taken away. Please, please don’t take what’s been given to you in this life for granted.

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Sacrifices and decisions… I’ve had to make a few fairly significant ones lately; and maybe one more real soon.

I’ve declined UT Cycling presidency for next year. I have t o admit, I’m kind of bummed out; I have a feeling that under my leadership the club could have taken some massive steps forward… But, the reasons for this decision far outweighs any of this – that’s one thing I am sure of. I’ve chosen not to peruse this opportunity in order to fully devote my efforts in the immediate future to a different organization – still involving cycling but with a cause indescribably more important to me than cycling national championships. I can be a rather passionate person; this cause brings out the best of it for so many reasons, and I believe whole heartedly that through this organization I’ll be able to give everything I know I’m capable of. I’m excited, but super nervous; only one side of this plan is set in stone as of now, the other still pending. I really, really, really hope it all works out…

Girls make me nervous too; or certain a certain girl at least. No details, but I will admit – it’ll definitely require another decision, but I haven’t made this one yet…

I’ve been riding/racing my bike a lot recently; and it’s been fun, like always. It’s difficult for me to completely focus on the details at the moment; I really do have a ton of thoughts floating around my head right now. There’s just so much uncertainty in my life at the moment – I have the directions but no guaranteed path. Very intimidating, to say the least…

A lot seems to be happening in my life all at once, and I have some good stories to tell too. Being able to tell stories is always a good sign…

This past weekend was yet another collegiate cycling race. This time the team was forced to make the long and treacherous journey to Wichita Falls, TX – about five hours north of Austin. Incase you weren’t aware, I “grew up” in Wichita Falls; living there for around eight years between my 4th and 11th grades. It was odd, to say the least, to return to that city after being away for the past four and a half years. Minus a few restaurants, I had a difficult time finding anything new – still the same freeway construction of eight years ago, same businesses, etc… Spooky. Anyways, this weekend was less of a trip into my past and much more about the bike racing. Early Saturday morning was the road race portion of the stage race, held on an ultra wimpy twenty-four mile super flat course. I wasn’t too pleased with my results or the race course if you couldn’t tell; I believe I ended up around 13th place, but I never looked… After plenty of nap and eat time, we headed to Saturday afternoon’s time-trial; a slightly less wimpy and much more windy 7.7 mile course. I did surprisingly well in this portion of the race, ending up somewhere in the realm of 8th or 9th place and pushing me up into the top 10 overall. And lastly, Sunday morning was the crit. race, held on the smooth and fast roads of the MSU campus. This one was a blast; despite me being caught behind an early crash, thus taking me out of contention for overall success. I was able to help a teammate get to the top of the podium though, which is always a nice feeling. We had a blast in Wichita Falls; my teammates did well in their respective categories, and outside the races we had a great time too. What a way to spend a weekend!

Needless to say, my weekend trip didn’t have many positive results on my scholastic progress, hence the busyness recently… Nothing I can’t handle though. I’ve been spending quite a bit of time studying lately; which isn’t always a bad thing. The various locations I seem to inhabit have introduced me to some really awesome people – with lots of laughs and good times exchanged along the way.

Good news! I have my living arrangements in the works for next year! I have an amazing apartment lined up, and I’ll be living with a friend of mine from the UT Cycling Club. Awesome! I super excited to finally have Austin living arrangements that don’t involve dormitories…

I think I need to write about my day today – it was one definitely outside the typical. I went to my Portuguese class this morning and actually knew what I was talking about. Maybe the extra effort I’ve been putting into studying is finally beginning to pay off – I was worried for a while. I had a huge midterm at 12:30 in my Cultures in Contact class, but in the hour and a half between that and Portuguese there was no stress and no overbearing urge to cram information. Instead I talked with my parents, took a nice leisurely lunch break, and laid in the sunshine casually reviewing a small portion of the test material. After the test, which I’m predicting a decent grade on; I went to Race in Brazil with Dr. Vargas and experienced a “radical democratic educational process”. He’s the only professor I’ve had the pleasure to be associated with that visibly utilizes student input to manipulate his teaching. I wish all of my professors had such vision… Done with classes, I then fell into a slump of laziness. I was tired and worn out; I’m guessing as a result of my action packed weekend and ultra long Monday. There was no motivation to get on the bike, and I was really looking forward to a nice afternoon nap. Then, somehow I managed to crawl out of my inactivity chasm. I decided not to go riding, not to study, not to do anything I would consider normal; instead I went running… I haven’t ran in months; but I assumed, being a avid cyclist and all, that my cardiovascular ability was strong and seeing how I had nothing better to do, why not test it out in a way that didn’t involve a bicycle? Not wanting your everyday trot around a track, I instead opted to run to Town Lake; which I’m guessing put me somewhere around a five mile round trip. It was so much fun – I had a blast running through downtown and seeing the little details I seem to miss while weaving in and out of traffic on two wheels. And physically I felt great as well, with the exception of a little bit of muscle fatigue here and there; which I assume is due to my somewhat specialized “cycling muscles” and my neglected “runner muscles”…but who knows… I’d like to develop my running a little more and race a duathlon – or, better yet, learn how to swim and start doing triathlons…tempting…very tempting…

A good friend of mine from Burkburnett will be visiting me tomorrow – haven’t seen the guy since I left Texas four and a half years ago. I’m excited about that; it’s always good to see old friends…

I guess I lied – I claimed to have stories to tell but ended up writing a gigantic summary instead… Sorry… I’ll throw in some more details tomorrow…but until then you’ll just have to wait…