Monthly Archives: July 2009

The past few months, I’ve been on a bit of a crusade against my biggest fears and most significant weaknesses.  I don’t know when exactly the idea came to me, to focus my energy on overcoming my least favorite shortcomings.  Sometime after getting my degree from UT, I felt the need to shift life more internally, to work on my path in life instead of the path of other’s or paths that other people had outlined.  So I picked up a few new hobbies that would go completely against my biggest fears, I took a job I wasn’t exactly made to be good at, and I took a few other steps along the way to where I am now.

Learning how to rock climb has probably been my favorite personal improvement.  For those of you who don’t know, I’m fantastically afraid of heights and have a pretty strong fear of falling as well.  I credit it all to my childhood.  I grew up in Alaska, surrounded by big mountains, with a family who loved to be outdoors.  My dad, brother and I did a lot of hiking – some class 4 (one step below needing a rope to safely navigate) stuff, usually up high, with a lot of potential for painful landings in the event of a fall.  My dad would never put us in incredibly unsafe scenarios, but some of our hikes might have been a little much for the little kid I was at the time.  I definitely had some pretty psychologically scarring moments.  As I passed through the years, I could never walk to edges of cliffs, and if the footing wasn’t perfectly flat and gravel free, good luck on getting me close…

So I started climbing – what better way to tackle a fear of heights.  I was climbing all day yesterday.  Climbing on lead – sometimes with pretty high first bolts (non-climbers: you’re without the protection of a rope until the first bolt).  I learned how to “clean” a route yesterday, a step-by-step process that puts you entirely in control of your own safety as you dangle at the top of a cliff.  I can confidently say that my fear is gone, which is a pretty big deal.

I’ve never been the best at casual social interaction – outgoing could never be used to describe me.  I don’t know that I was shy, necessarily, I just could never see the value of interaction without the possibility for a more compelling relationship.  And I hated talking on the phone, especially to people I didn’t know.  Perhaps it was the anthropologist in me, but I always felt like I needed to see non-verbal clues to really grasp what people were trying to tell me.  Without face to face interaction, my talk was nervous and jittery.  So I went to work with REI, where my days would consist of short and rapid human interactions with people I didn’t know.  I learned how to talk on the phone, how to use clues like intonation, pace and volume to replace the non-verbals I needed so much.

Personal improvement should be a life long process, and I intend to keep making progress as I age.  I still have a lot of work to do, but I do have a general road-map of what I’d like to change next.  I have a slight fear of intimacy – no, not physical intimacy, but more of a “serious committed relationship intimacy.”  I hope to go after that one really soon…  I have a slight fear of driving that I’d like to get rid of.  And I’d like to get rid of my fear of water too, learning how to swim in the process.  Biggest of all, I’d like to be a better brother, uncle (still feels strange to write), son and grandson.  I’ve distanced myself from my family a bit too much in the last couple of years, and I’d like to change that.

More about me than you ever wanted to know…

Back to the job search drawing board for me…  I mentioned a little while ago that I was interviewing with Austin Habitat for Humanity, and it was an opportunity I was really, really excited about.  Well, to make a not so long story even shorter, the second interview I was promised never quite materialized.  Something about unexpected personal leave in CO, leaving a cell phone at a restaurant, and who knows what else…  It all lacked a little bit of professionalism to be honest.  When the smoke cleared, the position was filled, I presume by a candidate who got his/her phone call before the phone was lost.  Maybe I’m just bitter, but I think in this case I’m allowed to be.

On the positive side, aside from this minor hiccup in the new job realm, I’ve been pretty happy lately.  The past few days we’ve been under 100 degrees.  Yesterday I was even able to ride my bike in the mid-afternoon without fear of death.  I think I’m going to be moving again soon, which you may find surprising as I just moved into an awesome house not too long ago.  While the house is great, I’m really itching to get back to East Austin, somewhere a little closer to work and life.

Of course I’ve been climbing a lot.  On Monday I went out to Lake Travis with my two housemates and Eric.  The idea was to do some “deep water soloing” – climbing sans rope on cliffs above water, so if you fall, you fall into water.  Unfortunately, Central Texas is in a drought, and lake levels are the lowest they’ve been in 25 years.  “Deep water soloing” turned into “shallow water bouldering” – the best water we could find was three feet deep and filled with litter.  Gross.  On the upside, my climbing itch was scratched on Tuesday, climbing with Ryan at the greenbelt.  The arms were sore and tired though from the 2 mile swim and soggy climbing the day before.

It seems like I’m always sore or hungover when I’m climbing with Ryan.  We have big plans to spend this Sunday out at Reimers Ranch, and I’m finally going to redeem myself with a fresh body.

Life will be changing for me in about a month – I just have a good feeling.  Temperatures will finally begin to cool off, I’m going to have a new job (fingers crossed), an important relationship might finally have a chance to grow; or, if all else fails, I might uproot and take off.  Until then, I’ll stay poor and patient.

So I went with the Sterling Biathlon Pro (70m, dry) for my climbing rope order.  It was decently more expensive than my similar pick from Mammut, but it should be a much better match with my needs.  One, as a 10.1mm, it’s still as light as the 9.8mm Mammut offering, but the thicker sheath should improve longevity and workability quite a bit.  Two, the better climbers in my network recommended that I go with bipattern for a 70m rope, a functional choice I had to agree with.  Sterling’s bipattern ropes look fantastic.  Definitely not a bad investment for $180…  Soon I’ll have a rope that will literally be able to accompany me anywhere – and I intend to take it everywhere I can.

With a few more quickdraws, I’ll have almost everything I need for my future sport climbing career.  That’s exciting for me.  My tenure at REI is almost complete.

I’m living with the summer heat surprisingly well, but I’m not sure I’m enjoying it yet.  It was so hot yesterday that I was unable to be uncomfortable, the only emotion I could feel was a sense of awe.  The past few days have been pretty breezy, and in the shade I can almost tolerate being outside for prolonged periods of time.  I think the biggest thing that gets to me is combining the heat with needing to be somewhere in a presentable fashion, because it’s almost impossible for me to not show up sweaty.  I don’t mind sweating, but everyone around me seems to…

I spent my weekend at the 4L Cattle Ranch, near San Angelo in the west Texas landscape.  The ranch is about 1000 acres, and has been in my friend Michael’s family for a few generations.  In the middle of it all is a cute little cottage, where we took up residence for a few days, eating good food, shooting guns, drinking beer, and enjoying each other’s company.  It was such a great way to unwind and recharge the batteries a little bit, tucked away from the rest of the world.

I was hoping to have a second job interview via phone on Friday, but uncontrollable forces seem to be working against my interviewer and I.  I’m hoping we can finally pin down a time today; I’m starting to get a little anxious.

I spoke with Carolina yesterday evening – her and her teammates were spending a nice day off in Calgary, after riding through Glacier National Park and crossing the border into Canada.  Hearing her stories makes me so incredibly jealous; I would drop everything in a heartbeat to be back in those moments.  They’ll be entering Banff National Park today, which really brings back good memories for me.  I miss it.

I’m going to order a climbing rope today, most likely a 70m Mammut Tusk 9.8 or a Sterling Biathlon Pro.  I want a rope that will last me for a little while, as well as something I can take with me to bigger walls like in El Potrero Chico, Mexico.  I’m definitely thinking on the longer-term, because I’m not sure how much longer I’ll have the discounts I do now.

I’m not sure where this post is going – I feel like it’s just rambling a bit.  I’m going to shift my focus somewhere else now; I’ll write better later.

Sorry for my delay in updating since my open letter, I haven’t had much free keyboard time lately.  I could try to recap from the last week and a half, but I just don’t see that going anywhere interesting, so I’ll just hit the high points.

I’ve been climbing for two months now, and my climbing ability has jumped leaps and bounds since my first time throwing myself at a cliff.  Climbing rocks is such a mental game.  It requires you to manipulate your body in previously unknown ways, isolate and activate muscle groups you’ve never flexed, and shift your balance in awkward ways – all the while you’re holding yourself in a precarious setting high off the ground.  Once you can move the capabilities of your mind beyond the capabilities of your body, you can start doing some really magical things.  I find myself holding onto features so small that the pads of my fingertips barely touch the rock.  I’ve learned how to study a route, and put together the proper sequence of moves in my head.  The sense of improvement is so awesome.

I climbed out at Reimers Ranch for a solid seven hours yesterday with Rami, Eric, John P and Tom.  We brought three ropes out with us, put up some easy routes, some hard routes, and pretty much climbed until we had nothing left in the tank.  I’m feeling pretty solid on 10c moves now…  Rami took a pretty spectacular lead fall with me on belay.  Rope in hand, he was reaching to clip the third bolt on this really fantastic 10d, and peeled off the rock just before he could get it.  With all the slack in the rope, he dropped a good 25ft – I caught him when he was about level with my head.  We were both glad he taught me how to lead-belay properly, celebrated, composed ourselves, then Rami sent the rest of the route.  It was epic; a moment like that really instills confidence in your equipment, your climbing partner, and your climbing ability.

My job search has moved in a positive direction.  Yesterday morning I had an interview with Habitat for Humanity, for a really cool communications position, and it went especially well (well enough to get another interview).  Even if I don’t get the position, it’s certainly a good confidence booster – it shows I’m not completely repulsive to potential employers, and that the direction I’d like to take my career is somewhat plausible.

I’ve been happy lately.  Happy with the things I’m doing, my personal growth, and the people around me.  I like this feeling too much to let it go.